Signs that someone may need help
- Drinking or drug use is increasing, or happening earlier in the day
- Promises to cut down that do not last
- Hiding bottles, lying about money, or borrowing often
- Shaking, sweating or irritability that eases after a drink
- Missing work or college, falling marks, new friends the family does not know
- Withdrawal from family, long periods in their room, sleeping at odd hours
- Low mood, anger, suspicion or talk that does not make sense
How to start the conversation
- Choose the moment. Talk when the person is sober and calm, not during or right after drinking.
- Speak about what you have seen. "I noticed you could not get up for work three days this week" works better than "You are a drunkard."
- Say how it affects you. "I am frightened when you drive after drinking."
- Avoid blame, threats and lectures. They usually lead to denial and arguments.
- Offer a specific next step. "Will you come with me to talk to the doctor on Saturday?"
If they refuse
Refusal is common, especially the first time. It does not mean you have failed. Stay calm, and come back to the subject another day. Meanwhile, you can call us yourself: many families speak to a doctor or counsellor before their loved one is ready, and learn how to approach it differently.
Try not to cover up the consequences of drinking, such as making excuses to an employer or paying off drinking debts. When the person feels the effects of their drinking, they are often more willing to accept help.
Why stopping alcohol suddenly can be dangerous
When someone has been drinking heavily for a long time, stopping suddenly can cause withdrawal. Mild withdrawal includes shaking, sweating, anxiety and poor sleep. In some people it becomes serious, with confusion, seeing or hearing things that are not there, or fits. This is why de-addiction for heavy drinkers should begin with medically supervised detox. Read more in our article on alcohol withdrawal.
Get help immediately if someone who has stopped drinking becomes confused, has a fit, or sees things that are not there. Call 112 or bring them to a hospital.
Look after yourself too
Living with addiction or mental illness at home is draining. Families often feel guilt, shame, anger and fear all at once. Talking to a counsellor, sharing the load with other relatives, and keeping some routine for yourself and the children are not selfish. They help you stay strong for the long road of recovery.
Recovery and relapse
Recovery is rarely a straight line. A slip does not mean treatment has failed. What matters is noticing early warning signs, returning to the plan quickly, and contacting the treating team. Families who know the plan can help a great deal.